Negativity
It's fascinating to me how blindly people hold on the what they've been taught to believe. Rather than testing the waters they walk into it blindly. This applies is a vast number of occasions. I think it's safe to say that practically everyone falls into this trap at one point or another.
I find it sadly hilarious when people's image means so much to them that they're willing to conduct any scene and wear any face possible to cover up for their imperfections. I've never understood people that live lies. Nor do I care to have any sympathy for them. For as much work as it takes to cover up one's faults I don't think it's worth the hassle. I don't buy the "pressure" scape goat. That's bullshit and I'm not having it.
It reminds me of those plastic windup toys. Walking in synchronized robotic unison. I want to pick them up, twist they're winder and point them straight towards "outer darkness".
The best part is when you get to know someone so close and they're pulling the garbage trying to be somebody that clearly isn't them. Are you supposed to sit there and act like it's real? Are they unaware that you know them miles better than the person they're trying to sell their "virtue" to?
There are people in this world that make me sick.
Optimism
As much as I love finding things to hate about people I also have a fascination for the ape like creatures. There's instances where I've been known for being overly gullible and believing a little more than what I should have.
Confidence is something that often can hard sell me. When I see people who are completely confident in themselves I've tended to start buying into their hype. (*sometimes) I think this comes from a life of seventh guessing myself.
I love watching people that put off the image that they know what they're doing in this smuggled up world. The forth floor of the Salt Lake Public Library is one of my favorite places to do this. There's something insanely appealing to me about watching these people who appear to have life figured out, from afar.
I'm sold by their sense of direction. They walk their routine with such serious faces. They interact with each other in mute.
When I was little my sister and I would make Scholastic Book orders for each other. (Minus the Scholastic part) Granted my sister always had more patience than I did and was miles more artistic than I, it was always exciting to see what her perspective of such projects would be.
The human mind is like a miniature world within this world. It's amazing to me to see what two different people do when told to do the same thing. Peoples translation of lyrics. The way they arrange their furniture. The different ways they read other people from the same social interaction that you were a part of.
The day that I become content with myself in a number of ways is coming. And I can't wait for everything to unleash! I will be the happiest man alive.
I like the site you have going here. Very Ryanistic, haha. I think that being confident, or even just content, is one of many steps in maturation. I see us both getting there, and sooner than you or I might think.
ReplyDeleteI too am on this journey Ryan. I can't tell you how much moving back to Utah is bringing this up for me. I attended a bridal shower for a woman five years my junior last weekend, and though I am entirely happy for her, the experience left me with a lot of self doubt, self judgment, just selfishness. I notice myself shrinking when I go out in public, wanting to disappear because I feel I don't fit the mold here, don't measure up to what is expected of me. However I think a part of this is that I'm actually scared of what it might mean if I were entirely beautiful, powerful, acceptable just the way I am. I feel an expectation, like if I embrace myself as wonderful, I'm expected to do something to prove it, demonstrate it. However there is also another part of me that feels good about this prospect. This is the wise part of me that knows I wouldn't have to demonstrate anything. I could embrace it, and own it, and in this way I feel an inner expansion that feels balanced, good, and leaves me with the ability to genuinely interact with people around me without all of that self judgment. I'm rambling...but this is my experience.
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